When I was young I was going to be a singer. Then I wanted to be a veterinarian and have acres of pets. The years past with aspirations to be an actress or even a cafe/bookstore owner with my Mom. At one point the list included wanting to be the President of Charlotte Motor Speedway! Here I am on the very cusp of adulthood and at 34 years, thankfully have never been married. Perhaps I have a "problem with commitment."
I won't commit to a favorite color. I love red, but not on a car. White is clean and uplifting, unless it is on furniture. I am unable to lock in one specific movie or song. I can't truthfully answer the simplest of questions. Even those Face book quizzes are enough to give me the cold sweats. For example: "Do you prefer day or night?" Well, it depends on the day. Did I work overnights the night before? Do I have the day off? What is scheduled in my planner? "Do I prefer day or night"? What kind of ridiculously vague question is that? I live my life in shades of gray.
Mom told me just the other day that the best times in our lives occur in our 40's because we know who we are and don't care what people say. Part of me is envious of those confident souls so committed to their identity. The other part of me is left wondering how well we really know ourselves when our convictions are constantly challenged, considered and modified. I mean we are supposed to grow and evolve with each circumstance. I read once that the Journey is the Reward. If we know ourselves so completely in a young fourth decade, than what is the purpose of the rest of the Journey?
This may simply be a veiled attempt at justifying my inability to commit to one idea or it may be a valuable question. For now I am content in my inconsistencies. I will say this for sure though, Nachos are by far my favorite food! Or cheesecake. Oooh and I really like a nice blackened salmon or homemade chicken wild rice soup? Ugh, just forget it.
Good Things~
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